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BOSTON BASTARD: THE DE-MEH-CRACY

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I’m not sure if anyone told you about this, but last week Massachusetts voters—or at least a few of them—chose Ed Markey to be our next US Senator.

Markey, who is the guy with a haircut out of a 1970s infomercial for timeshare condos, is an apt replacement for former senator and current Secretary of State John Kerry,

in that Markey has been in office longer than most people reading this have been alive. And yet, he has very little to show for it in terms of policy or landmark legislation. He’s a loyal Democrat who has probably grown too accustomed to his cushy DC gig to rock the boat or even be remotely useful—much like Kerry.

That said, I’ll take a useless, non-acting politician over one that’s probably more interested in sucking off the dysfunctional collection of crazy people that pass for a Republican state party in Massachusetts.

All Markey had to do to win the election was show up, promise he’ll vote with the Democrats, and let the Republicans fuck up from there.

The Gabriel Gomez campaign reeked of desperation from the start. He had barely made it into the campaign cycle before a letter he wrote to Deval Patrick surfaced in which he begged the governor to appoint him to fill John Kerry’s vacant seat on the Senate floor before the special election.

In his letter to Patrick, Gomez promised to support President Obama’s stances on gun control and immigration, in the hopes that the governor would overlook the fact that he was a Republican.

That letter went public just as Gomez was attempting to convince Massachusetts of his conservative credentials. And yet, Gomez still had to be the nominee for the Republicans.

He was the best candidate in a field that had been painfully thinned out by Republicans waiting for the 2014 governor’s race. Apparently, it’s really tough to resist a race that’s been left wide open because Patrick is leaving and Lt. Gov. Tim Murray is too much of a corrupt man-child to be the heir apparent.

Well that, and he couldn’t even be bothered to complete his second term on Beacon Hill.

Gomez came out of the gate and immediately picked up comparisons to Scott Brown, though most of those comparisons were from conservatives desperately hoping to convince themselves that Gomez could be the next Republic to win a major election in the Commonwealth.

He was half-heartedly embraced by Republicans hoping that the fact that he was Latino and a former Navy Seal would make up for his moderateness.

Instead, voters got a politically inept whipping boy who was given up on by a party that often better resembles a fumbling, drunken circle jerk.

Even the GOP dirt machine was asleep at the wheel for this election. They attacked Markey by over-using the phrase “poster child for term limits,” accusing him of being in violation of residency laws of the state (without actually looking them up), and spinning a Markey attack ad as if it were an attempt to compare Gomez to Osama Bin Laden … by showing a clip of Gomez talking about the death of Osama Bin Laden.

Markey’s response was probably something along the lines of trying not to die when he coughs and farts at the same time.

At his age, maybe the Republicans were just trying to save their money for the inevitable special election we’ll have in the next one or two years.


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